Being Almost Three Months Prego!

So we found out we were pregnant the day after we returned from our Texas Christmas vacation. It was a Sunday morning and I decided to take a test. I got up around 7 am, did my thing and hopped back in bed watching the clock until 5 minutes was up. I had an inkling that I might be, but didn't want to get my hopes up, so I didn't even say anything to Austin who was surely wondering why I was so squirmy and staring at the clock every 2 seconds. Finally the 5 minutes was up and I made my way back to look at the results. Since it was early (for a Sunday after a 15 hour drive the day before) and I didn't have my glasses on, it took me a minute to focus on that little stick...low and behold there were two lines! I literally rubbed my eyes to make sure I just wasn't seeing double. I grabbed the test and ran back to bed, jumping on my husband and shoving the test in his face! He was very confused and had no idea what I was showing him. I just yelled, "I'm pregnant!" We were excited and scared and anxious and elated all at the same time. We got dressed for church and went walking on clouds!

The next few days, panic set in as I recalled the excitement of the last time we went through this...a Sunday morning as well, right before Father's Day last June. I was scared. We had prayed, as so many of you had as well, for this little one. We desperately wanted this baby and I told God so often. As we spent the next week together, we tried to enjoy our news, but we both had a hard time really connecting to it. We were busy preparing for Austin to leave for training in Louisiana for a whole month. That month flew by in some ways, but in others dragged on. Morning (or shall we say all-day) sickness set in and most days I just felt like laying on the couch trying to keep from puking. We got to talk often, but all of this time apart brought on new fears that I had to give to the Lord.

Austin is going to be deploying to Afghanistan for a year sometime in late April/early May. We hope he will get to use his R&R (two week leave) to come home for the birth. We have no idea if this will work out, but we have given that to God. I have come to learn dependence on Him in a new way. I have to trust Him with my husband, this little life growing inside me, my loneliness, and my ability to be a "single" mother for a time. It's alot, but the Lord has been giving me a peace...not one I can even explain. He has provided prayer warriors to surround me and wonderful godly friends who I treasure. And He has given me an excellent marriage (not perfect), but strong because we are learning dependence on Him.

So yes, I am ready to feel better and it is happening week by week...although today is not one of those better days, but I am also learning so much about faith. A few weeks ago we got to go to our first real OB appointment for an exam and to hear the baby's heartbeat. Austin got to come in for the heart beat part. I thought this would have been a difficult week for me being 10 weeks pregnant (same week I lost the baby before), but I really must have been held in the arms of Jesus and people's prayers. I was calm and excited. The midwife could not find the heart beat at first. Sure, my first reaction would have been panic and thinking the worse, but God had prepared my mind. I'm not sure guys have the same time of preparation. They are not reminded daily that they are growing a little baby in them. Austin looked terrified. I consoled myself, beliveing everything was fine, and with the fact that they would wheel in the ultrasound machine and I would get to see my little miracle! When we saw that little precious thing...Oh my...it was amazing. The midwife had to keep telling me to sit back so she could get clear pictures and then she would freeze them to show me. I had a hard time...this is my baby...I want to see it for as long as I can. That little guy/girl was moving around like crazy...then she hit the audio. Oh the most precious sound of the heart fluttering! Truly awesome! We are blessed. So sickness can come and go...I'm trusting Jesus for this absolute miracle and for all the challenges coming up! God gave me this verse to hold on to: Psalm 113:9 which says, "He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother." That is me. Praise God!

Yes, We are Pregnant!

I will post more on this topic soon, but here are the first pics of our new little one due on September 5, 2009. We will get to see him or her again on Monday!

Remembering Our Little "Jo(e)"

Today is February 13th, the would be due date of our little one we lost this summer. I knew this day was coming soon and I have no idea how to commemorate this date, but to share it with others. We named our first baby Jo(e). Since we did not yet know the sex of the baby, we didn't know whether to use the "e" at the end or not. He or she was graced with that name because it is my middle name and was my granddaddy's name.

Jo(e) we sure miss you today and would have loved to celebrate Valentine's Day welcoming you into our arms and lives. We know that you are with your Father enjoying all of Heaven with your Maker and Savior. We couldn't have asked for better for you. Your daddy and I look forward to the day that we meet you face to face. What a great reunion that will be. And what better day to meet than the day we meet our Savior face to face as well. You will always be our first baby and a great blessing from the Lord. You have already been a blessing in the lives of others who have suffered the same loss as Mommy and Daddy! We knew you would! Even for the short time you were "in" our lives made it that much more joyful. I love you my little Jo(e) and always will.