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Monday, November 10, 2008

A New Mountain Experience

I don't know how many of you have ever been skiing, but I did not grow up going skiing. The first time I ever went was my junior year of college and it was not a pleasant experience. When I lived in New York, I decided to give it a try again and had one of the students in our ministry who was gracious enough to give me lessons and ski backwards in front of me so I could learn. Since then, I have been 2 other times, once with my hubby on our honeymoon in Colorado.

Now that we live in Colorado, it seems the perfect time to get really good at skiing. Austin loves to ski. We had a ski expo on post a few weekends ago and he was like a little kid on Christmas morning. I want it to be something we can do together and someday teach our kids to love it to and we purchased season passes to Keystone/A-Basin. Since Austin had a four day weekend and we have hardly seen each other in the past week or so, we decided to try our season passes for a day of skiing.

Let's just say it didn't start off well...mainly with my attitude. We got up at 5am and I was not a happy camper. The first run would start at 8:30 am and we had a 2 and a half hour drive to the ski resort. I slept most of the way and felt uncomfortable about my ski clothes (I don't know why...just one of those mornings.) We even stopped for Chicfila breakfast on the way so you would think I would be in a chipper mood. It was cold and overcast and so was I!

We arrived at the mountain with all the other crazy skiers on the Monday after the opening weekend of skiing. The mountains were barely covered with snow, so the snow on the slope would be mostly man made...did you know that they can do that..make snow!! Crazy!!

So we suited up and headed to the gondola line. We heard that only 2 runs were open, but we were still excited to get down that beautiful mountain...until we started down the mountain. Austin was fine, I however was a little shaky. There were a ton of people on this run...more than I have ever skied with before! I knew I would have my first fall as it has been almost a year since I have skied. After that fall, I picked myself up and was ready to keep going...this was normal for my first run down. There were so many people swirling around me that it made me nervous...that's when we got to the first really steep part. After falling a few more times, I was beat up. People on the mountain were not friendly, in fact several people were right out rude in what they said as I was stopped on the slope in my fear! Austin was great...he was encouraging and patient with me urging me to take my time. I was frustrated. I had done this before. I had the skills and the experience to ski down this mountain. I looked down at the mountain and all these "expert skiers" taking it like it was easy as walking...I was petrified. The mountain become unskiable for me. I was stuck in my fear. I fell one more time as some naysayer came by to give me his opinion on being stopped and trying to get my ski back on. I lost it. I cried. I was beat up and definitely had bruises (large ones) on several areas of my body. All I could look down and see was impossibility. I just wanted to be done. Part of me wanted to snap off my skis and march down this beast on foot even if I looked foolish.

So what got me down the mountain today? For one, I prayed...I really wanted to make it down without much more pain. Second, my wonderful husband. I knew he was sacrificing his fun day on the mountain to help me, but he was patient and taught me a way to slide down that ended up being very helpful in my skiing technique. He told me that he didn't want to ski without me, that it was just us working together. Thank you sweetie! (I let him go by himself back up and down the mountain twice after we made it down.) And third, I actually found this one girl who was by herself and she was snowplowing this thing (Snowplowing for those who don't know is using your thigh muscles to push out on your skis while keeping the tips of your skis in sort of a triangle. This helps you go really slow and is how they teach you to ski for the first time). It seemed every time I had given up in fear and loss of confidence, this girl would show up snowplowing her heart out. Snowplowing is one of the most painful ways to ski. It is not fun, but it teaches you control of your speed. I cannot stand to snowplow! I felt she was the only other one on that mountain not skilled to swoop down from side to side with out falter. I thought, if she can do it, I can to. Who cares what I look like, I am getting down this mountain!

So why do I tell you all in detail about my painful skiing experience. Well, after I had achieved my goal and was back down on semi-flat land, I evaluated...what had I learned. It was like a spiritual journey. Sometimes we think, I have walked with God for so long and I have seen this mountain before...I'm good to go. I have the right equipment, in fact, I have a new jacket and goggles, watch out mountain! Then we fall, and sometimes we are ok and pick ourselves back up, but we just keep falling. Meanwhile, our teachers (or God) are trying to help us understand that we can't go so fast and we need to practice our turns and we need to rely on Him to help us. That's why I kept falling, I was not listening to help from my teacher (Austin). Once I did and I concentrated on following him, I fell a lot less and I wasn't looking at that huge steep mountain below me. Sometimes along the way it seems like there are naysayers, people who point out our faults and who just seek to keep us down. We must listen to the encouragers and watch those who are walking (skiing), not perfectly but with confidence that going slow and with confidence will get them down that mountain.

I did not go up again. I was tired, broken, bruised, and completely emotionally done! But I will, and with a new found understanding of my limitations and also new goals. Maybe the next time, my mountain won't seem quite so daunting and my fear will not conquer me. I want to trust God whatever mountain I find myself on and even when I discouraged and people are discouraging. He wants to teach me to follow Him and take it one step at a time. As my husband said, "It doesn't matter how you get down the mountain, I just don't want you to fall." What insight into the heart of God! But oh am I sore!!!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

A Time to Mourn


Austin had his first memorial service today. It was my first as well. I went to support him and be a co-minister to the family who were in attendance. Austin did a great job and I am so very proud of him. The service itself was very sad. Many fellow soldiers attended in uniform. The soldier who died was honored by his commanding officers and fellow soldiers and friends. Austin spoke of Psalm 139 about how we each (including the soldier who died) are so precious to God and that he knows our name and His precious thoughts about us are as numerous as the grains of sand. It was a great reminder of how precious life is and how much our Father loves us-- even those who may not be following after Him. If you have never had the opportunity to attend a military memorial, let me tell you it is something quite amazing and humbling. After the speeches honoring the soldier, they had a bagpiper come in playing Amazing Grace. Then they did something called a roll call where the sergeant calls out the names of soldiers and they stand and say, "Here First Sergeant." Then the sergeant calls out the name of the deceased three times and when he doesn't answer the sergeant goes and sits down. It sent chills down my spine. After that we all stood for military honors and they did a 21 gun salute and then taps was played. At the end, after the family recessed out, the soldiers would file out in pairs and in front of the "altar" (consisting of a gun with a helmet on top, a pair of boots and a picture of the deceased soldier) they would salute very slowly. Some placed different items at the altar.

I got to meet the father and the wife afterwards and it really was a joy just to listen to them and minister to them the best we could. It was very sad as the father had already lost his other son, his wife and his mother. He had many unanswered questions and we are praying that he would find His answers in Christ.

One of the highlights, if there can be any in a memorial, was that fact that the soldier who found the deceased and who Austin got to later lead to Christ, spoke at the memorial. To me it was a reminder once again that God brings life out of death.